I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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