I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
