To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
