We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i now understand why vodka
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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