We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
