franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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