I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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