hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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