Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
