I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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