And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
