Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
