i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
