This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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