Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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