I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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