Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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