Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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