Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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