I am puke
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
