Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
