do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
