Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
