I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
