He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
