I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
