Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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