I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
