I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
