I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
