Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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