It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
