You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
