I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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