Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
