you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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