im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
