Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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