Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I look excited, but its just a facade.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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