i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
