spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
