I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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