Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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