you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
