So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
