I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
