if you like me you must not know who I am
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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