she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
