This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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