Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
