Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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