It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
