is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
