god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
