You're my little dorito
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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