O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
