just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
