i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
