thus making me awesome and them whores
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
