you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
