I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
