I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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