This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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