if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
