does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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