I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry about my life...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
