shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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