I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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