maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
