yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Buhtt sex?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
