So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
