every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
