you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
