So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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