Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
